Orphan
by Shadowofthenight12
Summary: "Everywhere there is darkness. I have succumbed to it, I have lost. And if I die here tonight, I want you carry on with your life, like i never existed. Be safe" - Roxas. DISCONTINUED TIL FURTHER NOTICE1 sorreeee!
1. Smile for me

I dragged my feet along the floor, pausing to look at my home one last time. Most of the walls had fallen down, but the door still remained. Particles of dust wafted through the air, illuminated by the sun. Only four hours ago I had a family. Now, I have no-one.

I raised my hand to my cheek, instinctively wiping my cheeks to rid my face of tears. _Crying will get you nowhere Roxas, but sometimes it's better to let it out. _My mother's gentle voice reverberated through my mind, bringing tears to my eyes. They streamed down my cheeks and down my neck, and this time I did not raise a hand to wipe them. I sniffled.

I turned around and began to walk, shooting one last glance at my house. For a split second, I saw the way it used to be. My parents were stood at the front door, waving at me, my baby brother sitting beside them. My house was still intact and standing tall, casting a shadow over the afternoon sun. Then they all evaporated in dense black columns of smoke, drifting upwards until I could no longer see them.

I looked over sleek black car parked on the sidewalk, and leaning against it was a slender, small woman. She smiled at me, and I nodded once in retaliation. I didn't feel like pretending to smile now. She opened the car door for me, and patted my back.

"I know how hard this is for you Roxas" I sighed. No she didn't. No-one could know how hard this is.

Nobody could ever imagine the terror I felt as I approached my ruined home, realising that it had burnt down. Having to try to get anyone's attention, so they could tell me where my family was. I already knew. Having to sit there and listen to a stranger tell me what happened, and then walking off.

Realising that your family was gone, wanting to say sorry for the argument you caused before you left, thinking this was your entire fault and wishing you'd died with them. Now there was no-one to tuck me in at night, no one to soothe my nightmares, no one to cuddle me as I cried. It was all gone.

She smiled again and cocked her head towards the car, and I willingly obliged and ducked my head under the doorframe. I got myself settled in a comfortable position, leaning my head against the glass. It had begun to rain; my breath was making patterns on the window. It was cold, but it helped calm me. I felt the front door slam as she turned the keys in the ignition, making the car rumble underneath my feet as she pushed down on the pedal.

I felt the tears sliding down my face more, but I refused to wipe them away. I heard her trying to make conversation a couple of times, but I didn't respond. She sighed and pulled up at the agency, getting out of the car door and slamming it shut. She pushed out her umbrella and held it over her head. It was still raining.

She walked round to my door and gestured for me to remove my head from the glass. I pulled it back and she opened it for me. I stepped out into the rain, feeling my blonde spikes sticking to my head. I could sympathize with the rain, it was crying with me. She tried to pull me under her umbrella, but I shook my head. She shrugged and walked ahead, obviously deciding to give me a moment.

I stared into the grey sky, watching the raindrops fall. I heard her clear her throat and I swivelled around to look at her as she walked through big glass doors.

"This way please, Roxas, you're getting soaked" She simply stated, smiling again as if she cared. Yeah. As if. I smiled brokenly, feeling as if my heart was cracking in the middle.

_*flashback*_

"_Come on Roxy, smile for me!" My little brother asked me, his big blue eyes shining as he looked up at me. He pulled on my hand, making me get down on my knees as I chuckled silently. I willingly got down on my knees, playing along with him. He pushed his little chubby fingers into the corner of my mouth, pushing them up so I smiled. _

"_There!" He stated simply, taking his fingers away from my mouth, but my smile remained. _

"_Well done Joshy" I cooed, grinning at him as my pessimistic mood vanished instantly. He always made me smile. I got up off my knees, dusting them as I stood upright. I ruffled his silky brown spikes, like just like mine but most of them where pointed diagonally in a cute disarray of spikes. He had ads eyes, like me. But his were lighter, the same shade as Cloud's._

"_Let's go play" I said, smiling at him as he took my hand. _

"_Yeah, yeah!" he shouted enthusiastically, bouncing up and down in excitement. I laughed at him as I gently tugged him in the direction of the play room. _

_*Flashback over*_

More tears streamed down my face, blending in with the rain. I simply nodded at her, proceeding to walk through the doors. I blinked a few times to rid my eyes of tears, and took in a few shuddering breaths as I sat down.

"Wait here" she called to me, walking down the corridor towards a pair of wooden doors at the end.

I sat back and folded my hands behind my head, playing with one of my spikes at the back. I closed my eyes and let sleep succumb to me.

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	2. Destiny Islands

I was falling in my nightmare, down a huge black shaft. The faces of my family and old friends flashed by as I fell. I closed my eyes as I fell; only wishing my certain death to come sooner. I felt a gentle tapping on my arm, and the blackness shifted.

I opened my eyes; I was staring at the marble ceiling of the agency. I turned my head groggily to the side to see who had disturbed my nightmare, raising a hand to my forehead as I wiped the sweat off. The woman from earlier was back, and she was smiling again. I don't know how she could be so goddamn happy all the time.

"So, Roxas, we have found new home for you in destiny islands. There is a foster mother there who is willing to take you. Isn't that great?" She scanned my face, obviously searching for enthusiasm. There was none present.

"She has one child of her own, a daughter. Im sure you too will get along very well" She smiled at me, expecting me to say something still. I simply nodded at her, placing my hands back behind my head. She stood up.

"Come on" She said softly as she put her umbrella back up. Destiny Islands huh? Never heard of it. I stood and walked after her abysmally, letting my mind wander as I followed her.

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I sat down on the uncomfortable armchair, feeling my ear drums pop as the plane ascended. Great. I pulled out my iPod, one of the last things I had left. (My others being my wallet and my skateboard)

I folded my legs on the seats. I was alone again. That lady I can't remember the name of dropped me of at the airport then got back into her car. Huh. I knew her show of kindness couldn't last for long. I hate people feeling sorry for me already.

I pushed my earphones into my ears, ignoring the ringing sound as I turned _Linkin Park-Given Up _on. I wanted to drown out the world, and a screamo song seemed perfect. My little brother used to play air guitar and scream the songs, pretending to be rockstar. I shook my head and looked at my reflection in the airplane window.

My hair was sticking up in random spikes, tilting lifelessly to the side. It looked dull and colourless, like the dark blonde had been washed out of it. My normally piercing dark blue eyes were glassy and unfocused, giving me a 'deer caught in the headlights' look. My nose was red, something that just always happened to me when I cried. I rubbed my hand across my nose, sniffling again as I leaned back to rest my head on the headrest.

Why did they have to leave me here? Will I always be alone?

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	3. Let it out

I must have passed out again on the plane, all my crying was exhausting. I walked slowly down the aisle, heading for the door so I could get out of this goddamn contraption. I never liked planes. I played with the key charms on my chain around my neck; my dad gave it to me.

I dragged my feet across the floor. I was dreading meeting my foster mother and her daughter. What if they try to talk to me? I don't think I'm able to speak anymore, and I don't want to be rude. I shall just have to try my best I guess.

I walked into the airport doors, ignoring the hugs and kisses being exchanged between family and friends. It only reminded me of times lost, and I did not want to break down in the airport. I looked slowly to my left and right, looking for this so called generous woman who was willing to take me in.

"Roxas" a gentle voice shouted, her voice was like a tinkling of bells above all the commotion. I span towards the sound of the voice, and my eyes met with a light blue pair. For a moment, my vision of this world faltered, conversing and contracting in from the sides, trapping the rational side of me inside my brain. He yelled at me to snap out of, but I just couldn't.

The girl was relatively ordinary, but she seemed to glow in the fluorescent lighting. Her long blonde hair flowed down her neck and shoulders, illuminating her face. I assumed it was her calling for me.

Beside her a woman stood, (who I assumed was her mother) she was tall and soft looking, with longish brown hair, a kind face and gentle eyes. Her eyes were a shade or so lighter than her daughters. She looked nice, a motherly figure.

I walked up to them slowly, cautiously, trying to smile, but only the corner of my lips twitched. Dammit. I waved half heartedly as I walked, and the girls face brightened. I walked up to the tall woman and nodded at her.

"Hello there Roxas! That picture of you did you no justice, your much cuter in the flesh!" she exclaimed childishly, winking at me. I felt my cheeks burn as I blushed.

The girl bowed her head and stepped forward shyly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She held out her hand, her cheeks tinged pink.

"Hello Roxas" She said quietly, her voice tinkling like bells. It was her who shouted me earlier. I took her hand slowly, feeling electric currents jolting through my skin. It was almost painful, but enjoyable at the same time. She retracted her hand from mine, grinning at me. I smiled softly. Wow.

"Sorry about my mom" she exclaimed, shaking her head at her mother who was watching the two.

I nodded my head to show that I understood. I randomly remembered that I hadn't eaten or drunk anything since….. I left.

I heard her mother gasp, and dragged my eyes away from the girl to look at her mother. She had nearly dropped her handbag. What was up with her?

"Nami!" she squealed, facing her daughter. Nami? What was that short for?

"We forgot to introduce ourselves!" she said. The girl bowed her head again blushing. She was so cute when she blushed, but I kept my silence.

"Oh yeah" she muttered, making that soft smile appear on my lips again. That's weird.

"My name is Namine" she said, sticking her hand out once again.

"Sorry I forgot to tell you earlier" Her mother laughed, and I took her hand and squeezed it. Although I just met this girl, I feel some sort of connection with her, like if I was separated from her it would cause me physical pain. I only just learnt her name.

I extended my arm out politely to her mother, but she pulled on my arm, yanking me into her chest and wrapping her arms around me.

"I lost my parents too Roxas" She whispered to me, making my held in tears pool over and spill. I wasn't alone, she knew what it was like. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tight, sobbing silently against her chest. I still can't believe that 12 hours ago, I had a life. Now its over, and I have to start again. A new life. My next life.

"My names Aerith, but you can call me mom" She said, patting the back of my head as she released me. The girl, Namine, looked at me worriedly. I wiped my tears away from my eyes, looking at her kindly to try to reassure her. Her eyes were filled with tears, they were glazed over. My pain hurt her too. It was my turn to watch worriedly, and I heard her mother laugh at her.

"Don't worry Roxas, shes just over emotional" She chuckled, making Namine blush again. Her mother turned on her heel and span gracefully towards the doors, heading for outside. I watched as me and the girl stood there. She took my hand, pulling me gently towards the exit.

"Welcome to our family" She whispered soothingly, squeezing my hand as I smiled at her. She released my hand and walked with me to the car. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad after all.

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We pulled up in the car, and Aerith got out and opened the door for me. Her kindness never ended. I heard the car door slam on the other side as I got out, it must have been Namine. She skipped round to the side, blushing when she saw me. She was smiling dazzlingly. I grinned back. The empty hole inside my chest filled up a tiny fraction, though I'm not sure what with. I was just glad it did.

We walked up the driveway in comfortable silence, and I stared up in awe at the beautiful blue house. The walls were wooden and polished, they shined various shades of blue. The roof was dark blue and glinted in the afternoon sun. I stared in awe at the sun, it was so bright. Aerith smiled at me, following my gaze to the sun.

"Ahh yes" she exclaimed thoughtfully "Here in destiny islands it never rains and the sun is always out. Well, apart from at night of course." She chuckled and I smiled her. It always rained in Twilight Town.

She slipped the lock into the front door, pushing it open gently and throwing her keys onto the table as she danced into the living room. I laughed at her, as did Namine. Her presence caught me of guard again as she took my hand and gently propelled me towards the stairs.

"I'll show you your room, moms in one of her moods" I laughed again, and she smiled brilliantly. She let go of my hand too soon, and I missed her warmth. The depression sunk back in as I remembered were my real family were. Somewhere I could never reach them.

The tears pricked in my eyes again, and I sniffled and began to walk up the staircase. She was already waiting at the top for me, stood by a light white door. She smiled at me, her smile faltering when she saw the tears.

"Oh Roxas" she sighed, pulling me up the stairs and wrapping her arms around my waist. I only wished I could keep her this close forever. She stroked my hair. She was so compassionate, one of the traits I figured she picked up from her mother.

Electric ran through my hair as she stroked it, and I was sure the ends should be sticking up with the static. She pulled away.

"It okay" she said, looking me dead in the eyes, catching my breath once again. They were so beautiful. I nodded; I still didn't feel like speaking.

She tugged me gently towards the door at the end of the corridor, it was painted black. While we made our way there, she gestured to the light blue door.

"That's my room. Come in if you want to talk to me." She paused for a minute, thinking. "If you can still talk" She looked at me worriedly, cocking her head to the side. I laughed at her.

She carried on walking until we reached the black door. She grabbed my hand and placed it gently on the doorknob.

"This is your room" she said as I twisted the doorknob round and swung the door open. The bed was a black four poster, with a white and black chequered quilt on it. The pillows matched, and looked exceptionally fluffy. The carpet was black, matching the bed. I loved it.

"Do you like it?" She exclaimed worriedly as she sat down and my bed. I nodded my head furiously, coming in fully and closing the door behind me. I could hear Aerith singing in the kitchen. I chuckled.

I went to sit down on the bed beside her as she told me about her school, the neighbourhood, anything that came to her mind. I listened intently, memorizing the way her voice speeded up when she was excited about something, the way it tinkled softly as she muttered, the way her voice would change so I could tell even without looking when she was smiling. This girl really was something.

I heard my bed springs creek as she got up. I reached out for her instinctively. I didn't want her to go just yet. She gently pried my fingers off her wrist, smiling softly. My fingers stung like they had been electrocuted.

"See you at six, tea will be ready by then. Come down when you ready" She eyed me meaningfully as she backed out the door and closed it gently behind her. I stayed silent as I heard her soft footsteps rustle across the hallway carpet. I heard her pause outside her door as she turned the knob and went into her room, where I could no longer hear her.

A strangled noise was coming from somewhere, and I looked around hurriedly to see where it was coming from. I laughed darkly when I realised it was me. I curled up into a ball, letting the pain consume me. My tears fell hurriedly, staining my jeans as I huddled up on my bed. I jerked around on the bed, unable to control my sobbing. I had to let it out. 

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	4. The same nightmare?

I was laid in a small black box. I stretched my arms out, but they hit the sides. They were wooden. I tried to breath, but it was a struggle. I composed myself and raised my legs to kick the lid, but it never moved. I searched for an opening frantically, my hands scratching against the wood as I reached out for an exit. I could feel something compressing down on me, but I wasn't sure what it was.

"No" I screamed in my dream, sobbing frantically. I was buried in a coffin, but I wasn't dead. And I can't get out. I began banging on the sides, but all around me I could feel earth. I felt something pooling at my feet, and I craned my head to look. There was a hole in the corner, allowing the earth to rapidly fill the coffin. My coffin.

A sweet voice echoed through the blackness above, and I knew who it was.

"ROXAS!" Namine screamed for me, my tears streamed more.

"NOOO!" I screamed again as one of the sides cracked and more dirt came in, covering my legs entirely. I could hear her sobs above. She knew it too, I was going to die. It was so heavy I heard my leg bones crack. I closed my eyes, hot tears escaping as I sobbed. I was going to die.

I opened my eyes again to see that the top of the coffin was touching my nose. It was caving in. A tiny crack appeared, and trickles of dirt came through. The crack kept on going, splitting the lid as more dirt rushed in quickly.

"NAMINE!" I screamed in desperation as I drew in my last breath, the ceiling caved in completely, filling my mouth with mud. I choked on it, retching and stuttering as the air in my lungs decreased rapidly. I felt it pile up in my lungs, replacing the air.

"Roxas!" somebody was calling for me. I could feel the weight of the mud disappearing quickly. The mud shifted. The person shook me again, and I opened my eyes. Namine was leaning over me, tears in her big blue eyes. My bed sheets were soaked with my sweat.

I wrenched myself up and into her arms, knocking the breath out her. She wrapped her shaking arms around me, and I could sense she felt nervous.

"Namine" I whispered, sobbing into her neck. She pulled as much as she could of me into her lap and began rocking me. What happened?

"Don't be scared" she whispered, her voice soothed me, as frightened as we both were. "Im here now" She cooed. I shuddered in her grasp as she rocked me, my sobs slowly stopping then shuddering to a halt. She kept on rocking me though, and I ignored the electric feeling running through my veins. I pulled back slightly, blushing as I realised how close we were when I barely knew her.

"Namine?" I asked, sniffling and wiping my tears away from my eyes. She laughed at me, but she was still somewhat frightened.

"So you **can **talk then" she asked, laughing. I laughed with her, indulging her for a minute or so.

"What-hic-happened" I asked her, raising a hand to wipe the sweat of my forehead.

Her hand rose at the same time as mine, and brushed it off for me. She left her hand there, and biting her lip, she seemed to decide something. She stroked my forehead, and then blushed. There were tears in her eyes again, I watched in fascination and utter horror as they spilled over.

"You were screaming" She whispered brokenly. "I was already out of bed and heading your way. But then-"she paused, looking up at me. "You screamed out for me. So I ran in and you were-" She let out a shaky breath, sobbing. It was my turn to comfort her. I pulled her into me effortlessly, she weighed nothing. I ran my hands down her back, soothing her.

"You were crying and writhing around on the bed, it looked like you were drowning, so I tried to wake you up" I just sat with her in my arms, absorbing what she had told me. We sat there together for a long time, waiting till our breathing slowed to a relatively normal pace. My cheeks burned.

"And I think…. We had the same nightmare"

"What?" I asked. The same nightmare?

"Yes, but I was in a… graveyard and there was-there was….." Namine broke down again, and I pulled her tighter and rubbed her back.

"Hey hey hey" I soothed, whispering in her ear.

"You can tell me" she giggled a little bit, I think shes PMSing.

"I saw your gravestone in it. And I knew you were alive down there. Then the earth started to sink in, like it was going into your coffin, and I knew it was too late….. so I screamed for you, then woke up. But I heard you screaming so I came." she ducked her head into my shoulder, crying so much I think she wet my entire bed. Not that it was all wet anyway. **(A/N that was sarcasm btw XD)**

"Stay with me" I whispered softly into her ear. I crossed my fingers internally, hoping that the angel wouldn't go.

"What makes you think I could leave?" she whispered sweetly, my heart pounded a thousand times faster. She sniffled cutely and pulled out of my grasp. I stared into her big blue eyes. They showed a million different things too me, it was like looking at her personality. Caring, friendship, family and... Love maybe? I couldn't quite read the last one; I guess she is trying to hide it.

She climbed over me into my bed; pulling the quilt over her and leaving it open on one side. I climbed in, keeping a safe distance from her. I didn't want to be tempted. Her sweet honey scent washed over me soothingly, and I fell asleep quickly, knowing I wouldn't have any more nightmares tonight.

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I lifted my head up and took in my surroundings as I stretched. Despite the nightmare, that was the best sleep of my life. My arm hit something smooth and warm, like skin. I turned over and saw Namine. I forgot that we slept together. Well, not slept together, we didn't do anything. We just fell asleep I guess. But I am little bit disappointed that that was all, which is inappropriate seeing as though we only met yesterday. Im such a guy!

She stirred in my bed, facing me so I could see her properly. It struck me just then how beautiful she really was. The morning sun shined through the little window above my bed, illuminating her blonde hair. It was almost white, it glowed in the sunlight, flowing down her shoulders and collarbone. Her closed eyelids were evidence of her sleeping form, and were coloured light lavender; her skin was milky and soft to the touch. Her white nightgown hugged her figure perfectly as my eyes traced her curves. Hmmmmm………..

Shit. I jolted upwards, searching frantically for a pillow or something to cover my erection. This is so NOT a good time for my stupid teenage hormones. I grabbed my pillow from under her head, making her jolt upwards in surprise. She rubbed her eyes cutely, then stretched out her little arms and yawned. She came closer too me. Ouch. Doesn't she know what shes doing? She crawled out of my bed onto the floor, pausing to smile at me.

"Good morning" she said politely, still smiling.

I attempted to smile back, but it came out as a kind of grimace.

"Morning" I said, and she giggled.

"What?" I asked. Why was she laughing at me?

"Look at your reflection" she stated simply, nodding towards the nightstand beside my bed. I picked up the mirror and looked in it.

What I saw shocked me. My eyes were brighter than yesterday, like they had seen light but not enough. There was a faint hint of my original indigo in them. My hair was a little less lifeless, but still a mess. Instead of tilting sideways coolly it stuck up everywhere. Great. I guess that's what she was laughing at, my Diana Ross bedhead. I had huge black bags under my eyes.

My mom always used to tell me that if I didn't get a good nights sleep, I would get black bags. But I never believed her, because I always had a good nights sleep. Until last night. The first night I slept without my family with me.

I have black bags now. My eyes pooled up with tears and my grip tightened, cracking the mirror in my hands. I ignored the stabbing feeling all over my hands, the glass was cutting me. But I didn't care. I clenched it tighter, seeing my hands pool up with blood. At least the pain will last.

"Roxas!" Namine shouted at me, lifting herself up to take it out of my hands.

"You'll hurt yourself" she shouted at me. "Please drop it" she asked pleadingly. She was crying. I clenched it tighter, feeling new wounds open on my fingers and palms. I gasped and sobbed, twitching erratically as I tried to make sense of what I was doing. I didn't know anymore. I didn't know anything anymore.

I cried and cried and cried, it seemed like I could never stop. My hold on the broken glass was looser, but still so painful. Sometimes the glass would stab into a new wound, making it hurt worse. But none of them could compare to the stabbing ache in my heart. Or what is left of it anyway. Namine crawled back onto the bed, wrapping her hand around my own. The one with the glass in.

She loosened my fingers one by one, letting the glass fall to the floor. She cradled my injured hand across her chest and hugged me as I cried. Im so messed up.

I tried to stop the noise, but I couldn't control the tears.

"Sorry" I whispered. I felt her nodding against my head as she stroked my injured hand. She ripped off the bottom of her nightgown and tried to tie it tightly across all my cuts to stop the bleeding. I winced. Ouch.

"I feel like… I should be there for you.I will always be here- if that's okay with you?" She tightened the knot, and started cleaning the blood off my hands.

"And I barely know you" We both laughed at this. It was true though. But I knew one thing for definite, something that I knew would never change.

"I will always want you with me. Wherever I am. Forever" I whispered, pulling her back into my arms. I felt a connection with her, like she understood and liked me all the same. Like she put up with all the stupid things I do, such as the glass thing, crying all the time, the nightmares, and she doesn't blame me. It wasn't my fault in her eyes. It was in mine.

"Why didn't I die with them?" I asked her, pulling back to look in her eyes. I felt her flinch in my arms, but a smile spread across her face anyway.

"Im really glad you didn't" she whispered, hugging me. She was already like a sister too me, but at the same time, something much more.

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	5. Pancakes!

I went downstairs with Namine into the kitchen, I could smell food. The only thing stopping my sobs was her hand in mine, her hand was so much smaller and warmer, and I seemed cold. She never complained though.

Aerith smiled at us, and when she saw our intertwined hands, her smile grew into a grin.

"No mom" Namine scolded, releasing my hand. I bit my lip so I wouldn't say anything out of place.

"It's not like that" She said, reassuring Aerith. Her moms smile increased. I heard Namine mumble something incoherent, I couldn't make it out. I'll have to ask her about that later.

"Morning Aerith" I said quietly, attempting to break the tension the silence brought. You could cut a knife through it. Aerith doubled back in shock, nearly hitting her head on the open cupboard door. She pointed at me, her finger was shaking.

"Tifa said you were catatonic" she whispered "She said all you did was cry and sleep, she also said you didn't talk and I shouldn't expect you to do so for a long time" She paused, and then swivelled around to look at Namine. I looked over to her nervously; her eyes were wide in surprise. Guess her mom didn't tell her everything.

"You couldn't talk?" she whispered to me, her hand was twitching and moving closer to mine under the kitchen counter. I reached my hand over to her, shaking my head. Her eyes were pooling up with tears. I even forgot Aerith was there until she looked calmly at Namine.

"When did he first talk sweetie?" she asked, as if I wasn't there. I snorted.

"Did you not hear him?" Namine whispered, her small hand shaking in mine. I rubbed my thumb over her hand to soothe her. It seemed to work as she took a few deep breaths.

"He was screaming for me. He was having a nightmare" She paused to look at me, and I swiftly wiped the tear that was threatening to fall. Her cheeks turned firetruck red and she quickly looked away, releasing my hand. I instantaneously missed her warmth and the comfort it brought. I opened my mouth again, feeling like Namine couldn't talk about this.

"And then she woke me up, I talked to her and she stayed until I stopped crying. End of story" I said sternly. I had a feeling Aerith jumped to conclusions a lot, so I tried to leave out all my favourite bits. The way she held me and stayed with me all night. I shook my head, trying to rid it of my thoughts, they were out of control. Aerith grinned and nodded.

"Who wants pancakes!" she yelled at us, making me jump. Namine giggled. I swear her mom is PMSing too. Oh great. Im living with a family of PMSer's. Im so screwed.

"Me!" Namine shouted back, playing along with her mom, and they were both grinning. Then they turned to face me, I was in a trance. My stomach growled. I forgot I skipped dinner yesterday.

"Roxas?" Aerith asked, trying to suppress a laugh. "I guess you want pancakes, right?" she asked, giggling with Namine.

"Um, yeah." I said, feeling my cheeks burn up. "But I'll make them" I stated quickly, letting go of Namine hand. Her smile increased.

"No! I'll make them; it's my job as mom of you two little blondies!" Aerith said to me, ruffling my hair, a huge grin on her face.

"No, I want to do it. I know how to cook, Im pretty good. I swear" I said, putting on my puppy dog face as I placed my hand on my heart.

"Awwwwww!" Namine and Aerith both exclaimed at the same time, though Namine's was more of a moan. I smirked; I guess she liked that face. I have a new weapon! Muhahaha.

"Okay then" Aerith said, sighing as she went to go sit with Namine. "But I still think I should do it" she added as an after thought, causing me to chuckle. I got out a pan from her cupboard, setting it down on the hob.

I picked up the eggs swiftly, all the while humming to myself. I loved cooking. Namine was staring at me in awe. I picked up the pan, holding it in one hand as I prepared to shell the eggs. I turned the gas on and lit it with a match, then placed the pan on the hob.

I froze suddenly, my mind darting back to a year ago, when my father taught me how to make pancakes.

_*flashback*_

_I had burnt my fifth attempt at a pancake; I wanted to make breakfast for my mom, because it was her and dads anniversary, March 25__th__. I heard footsteps behind me, and then I felt my dad put his hand on my shoulder. I turned around to face him. _

"_Guess I never taught you how to make breakfast, huh?" he asked, chuckling. I loved my dad Cloud, but sometimes he was a bit distant. My mom was the opposite. _

"_Nope" I declared popping the p. I loved doing that. He laughed at me again as I ran my hands through my hair, a habit I picked up from dad. _

"_Oh great" I said, looking at myself in the shiny mirror. I had a big white streak through my hair._

_Cloud laughed again. _

"_You look like a badger" he declared as he started cracking the eggs. I laughed. _

"_Watch me" he said, making the batter then pouring it into the pan. I stared at what he was doing intently; I could tell it was my turn soon. _

_He poured the mixture in; it was much fluffier and silky than my previous attempts. He flipped it a couple of times, then waited for a bit. Then he got his spatula, and took it out. He set it down on the china I picked out, smiling as he did so. It was there wedding china, and I just thought mom would like it. _

"_Your turn" he said grinning at me. _

_I copied him exactly, leaving my pancake in for longer than him. It came out a golden yellow, and looked delicious. I very nearly ate it myself. He grinned at me, and ruffled my hair. I got my mess of blonde spikes from him, as well as his eyes. Though his were lighter than mine. _

"_Nice job kid" he said patting my head as he turned around._

_*flashback over*_

I bucked on my knees, gasping as I fell. The pan fell and bounced off the floor, the eggs scattered and smashed on the kitchen floor. Here it comes again. Im so stupid. I should have been with them; I want to be with them. I laid down and sobbed on the floor, feeling like I couldn't breathe. I heard chairs move, they were coming to me. I moaned scratchily. The whole in my chest was splitting open again.

"Leave him mom. I'll deal with this" Aerith pushed her chair back in and sat on it, though she obviously wasn't too happy about it. I heard Namine's light feet making her way over to me. She pushed the hot pan away from me, picking me up and cradling me again. I buried my head into her chest, listening to her heartbeat. Her tears wet my hair.

"Please, Roxas, what happened?" she asked quietly, I could feel her tears plopping on my head, like the rain. I jerked a little bit, a stab ripped through my heart.

"My – my dad… He- taught me how- to make pancakes" I gasped, the hole in my heart ripping open more violently as it consumed my inner organs. I couldn't stop crying.

"And… now-he's gone. They're all- GONE!" I screamed, suddenly angry. I tried to breathe normally, struggling to get Namine's arms off me, but she held me tighter. I heard her quiet sobs above me.

"How could they leave me here?" I screamed, punching my fist into the floor. It hurt, but I didn't give a fuck. I liked pain now.

"This has ruined everything! Please god, let me die. PLEASE! Why- didn't- I- go with- them." I choked out as my sadness took over the anger. If I keep this up, I'll be put in a mental institution.

I heard Aerith try to get up in her seat, but Namine stopped her.

"No, mom. Leave this to me" she said sternly. Aerith had an uncomfortable expression on her face. I put my head into her shoulder, trying to stifle my sobs. But I was still twitching. "Im so messed up" I hiccupped, making Namine cry more. She pulled me tighter into her.

"Oh, Roxas" she gasped, crying with me. "You're not messed up, you're just not okay. And it will get better, I promise. I'll help you" She sat up, pulling me with her. She tried to help me up, but she wasn't strong enough.

"Mom!" she whined, she was about to drop me. Her mom came right over and grabbed me; her face was tear-streaked.

"I know what its like" she whispered, pulling me into her arms as she hugged me. "That's why I took you in before I even read your profile. I had a feeling I could help you, but most importantly, Namine could help you" She kissed the top of my head gently, a motherly gesture. I felt a bit better now. She pulled me back and wiped my eyes, offering her sleeve to wipe my nose with.

"Tissue?" she asked. I laughed a little bit then hiccupped.

"Im- okay now… mom" I said, pulling my self out of Aerith's grip. She grinned at me.

"Now that's the spirit" she said proudly, making Namine chuckle nervously behind me. I turned to face her.

"Hey, don't look at me like that" I said, her eyes were full of fear. "I would never hurt you, I was mad at myself. At my family for leaving me" I flinched and tried not to break down again. I was trying to explain to her, and I **was **going to do it. I took a deep breath.

"But I know they didn't mean to. And that you won't ever leave me. Sorry" I said, holding my hand out to her, and she took it at once. I forgot everything that just happened in the last 10 minutes, and all that mattered was her. I just looked into her eyes, as I deciphered the varying shades of light blue.

Her eyes were like the ocean, they were deep and you were scared to dive in. But when you did, you got so much more in return. I realised then that I loved her. But love was a funny word and I don't think it's strong enough. I was infatuated, obsessed, neurotic; head over heels in love with her. And that was a much better way to describe it.

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	6. Irrational need for you

I went to sleep that night, and dreamt nightmare free in my ecstatic state of mind. I only dreamt of Namine and me lying in a field. Butterflies flew over our heads, and Namine was watching them, she was entranced. I stared at her, chuckling when she did something childish or funny. She reached out her hand to pick one up off the grass, but it flew away.

She pouted so cutely, and I leaned over and kissed her, unable to stop myself. Her lips were soft and pink, and I nudged her with my forehead gently. She opened her mouth gladly, setting her hands on my chest. Electric ran through both our veins as we kissed, tasting each other, liking what we tasted. I pulled apart sadly, we both needed to breathe. I realised she been holding her breath as she let it go in a big whoosh.

"Wow" she stated, grinning at me "You're a great kisser" I laughed.

"Really? Well, only you would know" I said chuckling. She gasped a little bit.

"Was that you're first too?" she asked, cocking her head. I nodded.

"You're the first person I've ever kissed. And Im pretty sure you'll be the last too" I smiled at her, and she grinned back, crying happy tears.

"Im pretty sure too" she whispered against my cheek as I leaned in to kiss her again. Then I woke up.

I was a little disappointed, because I knew I couldn't be with Namine. Not yet. She probably didn't feel the same way, and I was still in the darkness. Maybe she would wait for me, if she liked me. I would do anything to keep her with me, be it being her friend or her enemy. As long as I was with her, that was all that mattered. All my other rational needs fell by the wayside. I loved her; she was a completely irrational need.

KHKHKHKHKHKKH

**(A/N- it's been a week and Aerith thinks Roxas is ready for school XO Boy, is she wrong ;D)**

I got out of bed and ran down the stairs, popping some toast in the toaster. I was much better now, so Aerith was sending me to school today. I woke up really early as usual, so I headed down to make my breakfast in my boxers. I hummed as I waited for my toast to pop, dragging my feet across the kitchen to get the butter. I set it down next to the toaster and sat down in a stool. I dropped my head onto my arms and let my eyes droop. Maybe I'll dream about my angel again.

_Namine's POV_** (a/n FINALLY XD)**

I tip-toed down the stairs quietly, not wanting to wake Roxas and mom. I stifled a sneeze; I always sneezed in the morning for some reason. Im so weird. I giggled lightly to myself, swinging open the kitchen door and skipping in. I was so hyper I didn't notice Roxas sleeping on the kitchen countertop, and his toast was burning in the toaster.

I stopped halfway to the cereal cupboard, and my eyes found Roxas. He was snoring lightly, and I smiled. He groaned and shifted. Poo! I think I woke him up. Oh no, his eyes are still shut. Phew! I randomly thought that poo and phew rhymed. Heheheee.

"Namine, I love you" he muttered dreamily. I stood there with my mouth wide open. Did he just say he loved me?! He however was completely oblivious, as if he said it a lot. He started snoring lightly again. I just couldn't seem to close my mouth.

I screamed in my head, and I heard movement from upstairs. I must have screamed out loud. Im such a dumbass sometimes. Roxas darted up from the table, speeding to my side, pulling me behind him forcefully. He growled.

"What is it?" I asked. I stroked his arm to help him calm down. He relaxed a little bit, but his shoulders were still tense. I reached up to massage them, and he put his hands on mine as I felt them loosening.

"Thanks" he said, then started laughing. I loved his deep throaty chuckle, I had memorized the way he laughed and committed to memory. It would always stay with me, because he didn't laugh often.

"I thought I heard you screaming" he said, laughing even more. I giggled nervously as he turned around to face me. I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him. He hadn't cried for a few days now, and I was proud of him. I think he's healing, but slowly. I'm sure he'll keep getting better.

He wrapped his arms around my back; I could feel him breathing on the top of my head. He pulled away and yawned, stretching his arms out. He looked down himself and blushed. He was only wearing a t-shirt and boxers. I didn't think to look. I avoided looking at his attire, because then I would blush too. I heard my mom coming down the stairs, as did he.

"That was a good dream" he muttered, more to himself than me. I nearly started hyperventilating on the spot. I forgot he said he loved me! It doesn't count, he was asleep. Right?

**(A/N Yeah Namine. Sure it doesn't XD)**

"What was it about?" I asked, cocking my head to the side as I tried to hide the excitement and nerves from my voice. He blushed a deep scarlet, as I felt a burning rush spread across my cheeks. I avoided his eyes; I knew too well what it was about or **who** it was about. I fan girl screamed in my head. Im so pathetic.

"Someone" he muttered, lifting his head up to look at me. His usually dull and lifeless gaze was piercing and bright, I nearly jumped. A little under a week ago he looked empty. Now he was alive, or at least awake. We stood there staring at each other, neither of us knowing what to say. My mother banged the kitchen door open.

"Come on you two, get a move on!" she shouted, making me break my eye contact with Roxas as I blushed fiercely. Dammit, mom. Way to ruin a moment. I looked back up and Roxas was still staring at me, he was in a trance. I giggled and went up to him, his eyes followed me, but he didn't respond.

I snaked my way up his chest, taking his hands and interlocking them with my own. I stared at him, wr are really really close. He gasped and blushed firetruck red as I pulled away, me and my mom were roaring with laughter. He nearly fell over as he grasped the table for support. It only made me laugh more.

He glared at me, and then laughed with us; soon he was walking towards me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his head in my shoulder.

"You're an asshole" he muttered, I could tell he was grinning.

"I know" I said quietly, but loud enough for my mom to hear. "The feelings mutual Roxy"

I pulled back, tapping his nose as he went beetroot red again. Me and my mom cracked up, holding onto each other for support.

"Okay, okay laugh all you want, but I'm going upstairs to change!" he shouted, leaving us in silence as he stomped up the stairs. Me and mom looked at each other, and then burst out laughing again. We laughed until our sides ached, then sat down, still chuckling.

"Oh, Nami!" she said, tutting as she grinned. "The effect you have on that boy is phenomenal" I ducked my head and blushed.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked her, still hiding my face so she couldn't see I was blushing.

"I think he likes you" she whispered softly, lifting my chin up so she could see my face. She kissed my forehead. I smiled.

"And I think you like him" she spoke again, louder than her last statement. She let my face drop, but I still kept eye contact with her. I didn't answer her, even though she was waiting for me too.

Somebody cleared their throat by the doorway, and me and mom automatically turned around. I jumped when I met a pair of gorgeous deep blue eyes. Roxas was leaning against the doorway, his posture was sending out waves of 'Im bored', but his eyes were really happy, and he was grinning. He was in his new uniform. He was staring at me, his grin fixed on his face.

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* * *

**BONJOURRR MY READERSSS! I iz in a frenchie mood XD I hope you liked it, tho it sucks XD ****I was thinking about a later lemon............ I wanted to try it, but they need to get together first ;D **** Drop a review, and you get... *drumrolls* ROXY PLUSHIEEESSSSS ZOMG!!!!!!!!!! **Laterssss, shaddy mcshaddy XD


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